A Flash In Time

I’ve always held the belief that we learn from every experience. From every person we meet; coaches, friends, family, teachers, to every sight we see; a busy cross walk, a sunrise, rush hour. Sometimes it takes some tough love from the universe for things to sink in. Sometimes it takes years to find what we didn’t know we needed.

For athletes, there is always one coach they will say taught them the most- or a fellow teammate or opponent.  Something that stuck with them- good or bad, bad or worse- the experience leaves a mark that becomes a part of who we are. For equestrian athletes, there is lessons learnt from each horse we ride- and always the few extra special ones that stick with us.

I’ve personally had many different coaches, teachers, horses, and experiences-good and bad- that have left their mark on me. I can’t honestly say one has shown me more than another, or that one holds more value, because that would be going against what I stated earlier. But certainly there are more experiences that come to mind at different points in life.

The phrase “tough love” definitely comes to mind when I think of many experiences I had with one of my most memorable equine teachers, Flash. I can’t count the amount of tears this horse made me cry. She was frustrating, and heart breakingly stubborn, all while being talented, beautiful, and full of heart. From day one she made it clear that if things were going to go well, it was because she decided they would. She was a complete jigsaw, until you figured her out- cracked her hard exterior- and knew how to read her. If you were patient, she’d give you clues. Weeks of frustration, and then she’d give you an inch. Any of you who have rode or worked with a “chestnut mare”, you’ll know exactly the feeling I’m trying to get across. She taught me how to be a better loser, and as a result a better winner. She showed me that things are probably not always going to work out exactly to plan, and that that’s okay, because sometimes what you really need is a step in another direction anyway. She taught me how to laugh at myself; horses keep you humble- afterall. She gave me a determination that has gotten me through things that could have easily brought me down. It wasn’t always a case of getting off in a better mood with her, but, I always ended up with a different perspective. Because of her I ended up on the path that brought me my current mount, Willard, who has turned out to be a wonderful partnership as well. And the right one for where I’m at.

With the year I’ve had, it would be easy to look back on the years Flash and I were abusing trail class patterns and say that was nothing compared to this. But it’s really just a statement of how much I’ve grown from those experiences, and been able to handle the new ones. There were competitions with her where she would have me in tears from the halter classes until the last class of the day. And yet we kept going into the ring, both stubborn enough to keep pushing each other, and at the end of the day our bond was even stronger then before.

It was through her that I proved to myself that even when things don’t work out, even when nothing goes right- pushing through that brings you strength to deal with anything. Through this horse I began using the phrase “If I can do this, I can do anything” when things got rough, as they have and as they will. Nothing easy is worth having. Sometimes the best memories are made during the toughest times. It does nothing to compare yourself to others, because even the best have bad days. Be humble, be determined, and open your heart to everything you can. Everybody, everything, everyday has something to teach you.

RIP Flash, and thanks for all the tough love you gave me.

Getting back into it

 

The past few weeks have been full of long days, and stress. Which must mean I’m starting to get back to normal! The start of this school year is marking a whole new path for me. I have to say, it’s quite difficult getting back into a regular schedule after A) spending half a year travelling, and B) having a year where it was hard to plan anything due to health issues. Not to mention the schedule I planned myself is insane by any  normal standard. After a month of being in school, I’m starting to feel a little more comfortable with my classes, even the ones I was pretty nervous about to begin with. I shouldn’t speak too soon though, as midterms are fast approaching, and that is sure to change my attitude. The nice thing about my course load right now is that 4/5 of them all relate in some way to one another. Which means that if I’m studying biomechanics, I’m also in a way studying for Fitness and Conditioning, and if I study Nutrition, it relates to concepts we are also covering in FC, and Anatomy and Physiology comes into play in all those other courses as well. My Data Analysis is the odd one out, covering a lot of math. Yuck. It’s really been an adjustment for me going full steam into this year. Even without the added stress of the numerous health issues and whatever else, I came back from NZ a very different person- with some of the same old goals and some new ones.

I’ve come back to school this fall with a completely new mindset then I had my first year of uni. Being away from everything for a year kind of made me realize what I really want. I guess you could say it woke me up. I’m being challenged in all the right ways now, and even though something intimidates me almost everyday- I see that as a good thing, similar to how some horse trainers will say “give your horse at least one heart attack a day”. Or, as Lyle Myers would say (a select few have heard this line a few too many times from the man himself) “it’s character building”. I read a quote the other day that said, “if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough”, and quite agree with it. Some of the best experiences I’ve had, once terrified me. All of the best lessons I’ve learned, were from something that was either nerve wracking, or unexpected- or both. The thing most intimidating me right now is my research project for biomechanics. This is 30% of my grade, and consists of videoing a specific movement and doing a comparative analysis (I’ve chosen between an “unskilled” subject and a “skilled” subject) on said movement, presenting the findings in class, and writing a 15 page research paper discussing those findings. I’m terrified, but kind of excited too. I’ve chosen to use posting trot as my movement, a little more complex then recommended but my prof has given me permission to go ahead with it if I can work out all the details. If anybody reading this has even done a movement analysis on the rider during posting trot and has ideas on how to set up a scale measurement system for the video and manage to stay at a right angle to the horse/rider combo during filming- please let me know! These are the details I need to iron out. Since my prof, and most other people, don’t have a background in the horse world- I’m kind of on my own with this stuff. But everybody seems to think it could be a really interesting project, myself included, if I can work it all out, and I have until November 19 to do so, but that really isn’t that far away! Again if anybody has suggestions for me, please let me know!

I believe my last post was right before I had my foot x-rayed for possible fractures. I did have the x-ray (after waiting at Pan-Am for 6 hours, I even got there at 7am!) , and it was clear, but was sent for a bone scan to test for stress fractures as weight bearing is still crappy. Pan Am also put me in a lovely, lovely boot/walking cast/thing. Which I’ve been wearing for the past two weeks. Definitely took some getting used to. But, at least I can walk mostly pain free- until I take the boot off anyway! I go back to Pan Am early next week to get the results of the scan, and find out how much longer I’m stuck in the boot. I’ve added yoga into my routine twice a week, and I’m loving it! I miss riding though. I’m only getting in about 1 ride a week, on weekends, with my schedule right now. Thankfully, the wonderful Laura Clark is still hacking Willard for me while the weather is still nice. He has been quite out of sorts, and jumpy, lately- not sure if it’s the weather changes, or because he’s being worked less- but he’s not the easiest ride right now. It’s at least nice to know he is in good hands while I can’t be there.

Well, my biomech lab is calling- time to go figure out how to measure joint movements so I can somehow make this project work, and then onto some probability and stats homework. Gross! Wish me luck!

Aside

Full speed ahead

Over and over again the past couple weeks I’m being reminded that I’m right where I’m supposed to be. Last year at this point in time I was getting off a plane across the world- starting one crazy adventure, and now another one is starting. Or maybe the first never ended.

Four days after I was released from my latest hospital visit (update on that: booked for surgery in December to have my appendix out..), I started back at school. I love love love it. As many of my friends will tell you, I am fully embracing my inner nerd. I don’t think I’ve ever been this focused on school, or enjoyed studying this much. There is only one courses I find utterly boring (stats, yuck), but it is mandatory for my degree so I’m stuck with it. Hopefully I can remember how to do math. My birthday was spent in class from 10am-9pm, but was ended with an awesome roommate who had homemade cupcakes, drinks, and candles lit for when I got home after that long day. The following few days were spent with some good friends who I hadn’t spent time with in forever, and the weekend ended with a great supper at my Grandparents, which was perfect.

 

As I start this new school year, I’m so far doing quite good at not looking at the assignments and studying looming ahead and absolutely losing it. To be honest, I’m terrified by all this. School, my goals, plans, etc. But from that I know that I’m in the right place. Without that terrified feeling, I wouldn’t have the motivation to work as hard as I’ll need to. And I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by people who will only help me stay on track. I’ve been shown too many times this year who is behind me when I’m thrown one of life’s great curveballs. Although baseball has never been my sport, I’ve also shown myself that I am capable of taking a lot and still coming out the other side stronger then before (maybe not always physically, though). Thankfully my batting skills are starting to improve, as I’ve been getting a lot of those curveballs lately- and they don’t seem to be slowing down.

As you can probably tell, my life revolves around school right now. But.. whats new besides school? Let’s see. I’m no longer a teenager, and I actually forgot about my own birthday until a couple days before. I’m living full time in the city now, and loving it. I’m back into a regular work out schedule, and can’t get enough of it. I’m blessed enough to have amazing employers who are giving me work that fits around my insane school schedule, oh, and I’m getting another dose of radiation tomorrow as my foot gets x-rayed for possible stress fractures (remember that fall I had at Fall Harvest? Yeah…). It never ends with me.. But it could be worse. I think I must be on my second set at least of “bad things come in 3’s” so maybe this will be it for a while!

Speaking of which, Monday morning is on its way and I am nowhere near ready yet. All the fun of this weekend is catching up on me, so it’s time for some shut eye so this week doesn’t completely wipe me. More later!

One view I’m sick of.

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My body just can’t keep it together this year, it seems.

I’m back in a hospital- this is my third night here. This is, thankfully, completely unrelated to the surgery I had last month- but unfortunately may result in another surgery. Tuesday evening I started feeling pretty sick, and I thought I was food poisoning- as I had had the same symptoms twice earlier this year when I was overseas. Both previous times I was scary sick for 3-4 days, first 24 hours consist of getting absolutely everything possible out of my stomach- the next few days trying not to move. This was/is pretty much the same. The difference this time being I actually went to a hospital because I couldn’t handle the pain.

And I’ve been here since.

The doctors here don’t seem to think its food poisoning. Reoccurring appendicitis is their diagnosis, after my blood results Wednesday show a high white blood count and general palpations of my lower abdominals are not fun at all. I haven’t had any morphine since the first night- haven’t really needed it and my reaction to it Tuesday kinda scared me so I’m avoiding it if I can. Was similar to my reaction going under for surgery last time, and coming out of anesthetic. The sensation of suffocating and dizziness are just not what I like to feel. Ever.

They haven’t been definite on if they are doing sugary ASAP or if they are waiting. It tends to change based on who sees me. Dr Clayton, the surgeon in Carman, said today that he didn’t think he was going to “cut me up” right away, and maybe wait to see if we could do it sometime other then when I’m about to start school. But the night nurse just told me to hold off eating and drinking after midnight, “just in case”. But it sounds like, at some point, I will be having another surgery. Perfect.

My WBC was better today, but I still don’t feel near 100%, especially after eating. This hospital bed is managing to make every thing that had improved in my back and shoulder feel awful and basically my body feels bruised from the inside out (probably from all the dry heaving I did Tuesday). Also I’m realizing I am WAY too used to hospitals and everything that comes with it. I don’t even blink over needles, iVs, or drawing blood anymore. I can tell when a nurse is headed towards my room long before they get here, and I haven’t died of boredom yet. The only thing I can’t do is morphine, so hopefully I don’t need anymore of that for a while..

Anybody know where I can buy a bubble?