Health and Wellness

Between Serenity and Rage

What a weekend in Long Beach!

The title, which has not much to do with this post, is stolen from a line at the summit this weekend.. One of the final presenters- Brian Nguyen- an ATC in the NFL, and then for celebrities like Mark Wahlberg- he hit home with his talk on the chaos and the calm of our industry (fitness and health). After a presentation built around the ups and downs and his own coming to terms with his vulnerabilities- his close athletes dying on field, his bond with his niece, his choices to leave jobs and personal epiphanies when it came to work and life. He used a scene from the X-men to show that sometimes the best moments and best abilities come from that place just before chaos, but not close to calm.

This was one of many challenging seminars- ranging in focus from clinical tools and research, cutting edge methods, workouts (holy moly Todd Durkin), hands on practice,  business focused lectures, and motivational kicks in the ass from the top in the industry. The conference turned into so much more then just a fitness summit. It challenged me in every realm: physically, mentally, and emotionally. I went into the conference with a urge to know more about business practice, finances, and some extra motivation- and I came out with them all..not even expecting to find them at this event. I am still a little sore from the combo of Pete Twist’s and Liebenson’s fascial patterning work and Todd Durkin’s workout, and my hike on Monday.

Now I’m home for another week or so, before flying to South Asia.

All of a sudden things are moving and shifting so quickly.

That’s they way fall happens though, isn’t it. One day you’re lazing about, floating through summer- and the next the Universe shifts you into high gear and turns on the productivity centre in your brain.

California was amazing. I learned so much at Perform Better, more then I can justify with words. My clinical practice shifted and will be shifting so much in the next few months as I try out the new ideas I was privy to in Long Beach. I’m sure the patients and clients I’ve already thrown these new things were only mildly thrown off by my Wednesday morning enthusiasm.

On my day off in Cali I ventured into Hollywood and did a 6.5mi hike in the Hollywood hills. Starting at the Wonder View Trail I hiked the peaks to the wisdom tree, then across the peaks to the Hollywood Sign, and then down, up, and around Mt. Lee to the Griffeth Observatory. I was pretty done by the time I finished, with temperatures ranging around 30C- I noticed some mild sun-stroke symptoms the next day. Majority of my hike I was thinking “I’m sure glad Everest won’t be this hot”. Needless to say I survived!



The interesting thing for me, as always, with all the bouncing around I’ve done this summer, is how I can leave in one headspace and return in another. This time I did kind of a roundabout with my head space. As usual I didn’t really want to get on the plane home, but this time it was because I knew I had some hard work to do with my arrival here.

Most of the summer I’ve floated ideas about where I want to be. I vetted moving to Calgary, moving to the states, moving to Ontario, before finally getting the gut feeling I needed to stay put for a bit longer. There’s still things I need to learn and process here. And, Winnipeg is really a good base for someone like me who spontaneously hops on planes. For now. Upon making that decision I found a second location (besides my rural spot) in the city to begin taking clients at. This is exciting and an amazing opportunity to take my business to the next level. Another decision that hit home as I flew over Denver the second time. If I’m staying here I have some work to do. I am ready, deep down I am ready, to do some serious building on my professional life. Freelance writing opportunities have come along too with the new location (more here later)- and my professional realm is expanding quickly. This isn’t where the hard work is for me (other then getting on top of proper invoicing schedules.. this is not a strong point!). The work for me lays in my 20-something brain. It has been bubbling away under the surface and isn’t quite ready for the fall to hit yet. It’s enjoying the summer holidays.

Yesterday, after two long days simultaneously recovering from the Cali hangover/sunstroke/jetlag, I got home and started cleaning.

If you know me, you know I don’t clean.

I re-arranged my entire apartment, cleaned out my closet, folded clothes, and organized. I set up a new administrative program, and I creeped myself on facebook for approximately 5 hours.

Seriously.

The creeping wasn’t really planned (is it ever?). But, it served a huge unexpected purpose. It was like someone sweeping out the gutters of my brain. As I flipped through different pictures from the last few years- I relived the moments hidden behind them. The parts of the memory that nobody else knows, the perceptions I had at the time, and the person I was then. I can honestly say year to year that I look like a different person each time.What reflections did I have here? Well, for one- I’m super jealous of 2013/2014 me’s physique.. paleo body was on fleek (is that what kids say now?). Secondly, I saw the toll certain things took- no matter the smiles. I also saw how much I’ve grown, and evolved. Sometimes looking at yourself as a different person allows you to straight talk to yourself as if you were actually another, hard hitting, honest person looking from the outside in. That’s something we all need sometimes.

Last night was the first semi-dreamless night I’ve had in a while. I dream a lot lately- sometimes about realistic things, sometimes about flying bears on bikes. The realistic things hit closer to home- and reflect the inner workings of my head- though, not always in a way that brings closure for my conscious brain. They make me think. I can’t say I woke with mountains of energy this morning- but I woke in a state of calm that only comes after some emotional sweeping.

As I prep mentally and physically for Nepal (9 days!), the physical challenges I’m facing seem less intimidating. Even my bum leg has shaped up. When it comes to mentally I feel confident about the endurance challenges- but have a intrigue over what emotional hurdles will come up. As I’ve found with travelling, I’m hit with the unexpected emotional regurgitations (usually the ones that I plan to “forget” to pack on my way out the door). They always find a way into the suitcase, though, don’t they. This is part of the reason I feel so drawn to this trek- because there’s no escaping anything internal on the side of Everest. I’m only beginning to get used to the feeling of mixed apprehension, optimism, avoidance, grief, and enlightenment that I’m sure is only going to get stronger. Yes, it would seem I need to literally climb a mountain to figure the mole hills out in my head.

But hey- I wrote tonight! And I wrote almost every day in California. This is progress for someone who has been fairly blocked writing wise for a year or so. Yay me!

 

Indian Food for Breakfast

I found myself in the mountains last week on a much needed vacation. I realized how therapeutic the mountains have been to me in the last year. I’ve found myself there twice, first last year around this time in need of an emotional reset.. and now this time around in need of a total recharge.

Both time, I got what I needed.

I haven’t written as much as I used to. Not necessarily because of a lack of inspiration, but mostly because of a decrease in the need to write out my thoughts. I realize now how much this blog has been a kind of therapy for me.. and will continue to be in the coming years.. but also how much the last year has seen me develop other releases and ways of organizing myself.

We left for BC, my significant other and I, both of us quite burnt out- even if we didn’t fully realize it, from our respective falls. For me I’d had a year of preparing for my CATA exams (results still pending), figuring out my next steps, and constantly working on my business and promoting myself. No, it wasn’t 10 courses/term and multiple exams and practicals.. but it is a new territory for me.. this life outside of student life. A week away was exactly what I needed.. and it couldn’t have been better.

We drove through the night and arrived at our destination at a ripe 5am (we aren’t the best at getting up early to leave early).. and had a lovely sleep in to wake up to some gorgeous weather and a mountain view from our rented condo. From there we spent the week rotating between visiting close by hot springs, breweries, hiking, and watching movies on the couch. Rising each morning to a beautiful combination of coffee, local organic eggnog (so good), and a bit of whisky (best combo imaginable). It was amazing to just be able to turn off from the rest of the world, not worry about alarms or wearing a watch, not having any reason to check our phones or emails.. a whole week of just being in the moment and not worrying about the rest of the world. Something the both of us needed!

     
 Coming home and back to reality was something we both procrastinated on.. starting the 16hr drive late on our last day, stopping for a night outside of Calgary at a friends, and then re-starting the now 13hr drive late the next day.. then making a extended stop at Costco, we found ourselves driving through SK at 1am, both exhausted, grumpy, and sick of being in the car. So.. on the hunt for a motel we went. After a whole week of no worries, I started to notice now, in this moment of pure exhaustion and annoyance at having to return to real life, how fatigue can effect our ability to make choices about how we want to react to a scenario. After bickering about something around Moosejaw, we both ended up laughing and breaking the mood.. realizing we were choosing to be annoyed and didn’t have to choose that.

We ended up finding a motel in Indian Head, SK.. a town where there really isn’t much. Somehow they were open at 2am when we rolled in and gave us a key to a room. Typical of a small town highway motel, the heat wasn’t turned on in the room and the window was broken and covered with cardboard. When it’s -15 out… even turning the heater on, there wasn’t much hope of this room warming up. So we trundled back to the desk/bar/restaurant and got another room.. this one with a intact window, but no heat again. So turning on the small heater in the room we left for a nightcap at the desk/bar/restaurant to let the room warm. After a long chat with the bartender/owner (one of a family from India), we headed back to the much craved bed. Only to find the heater in the room really not doing much heating.

Not having any better options, imagining we were camping in the late fall, 10 degree weather, we had a few hours of sleep. That morning, we decided to try the Indian restaurant within the motel.. owned and ran by the Indian family. After a lengthly talk with the bartender (the brother) about how they prepared the food, and how it was the best in the greater area.. how could we not? We weren’t disappointed.. and as we sat there eating breakfast, again leaving late on our still 5hr drive home.. I felt a small bit of anxiety creep up over how we still had a long drive, and I was tired, and real life was coming back upon us… then.. mid bit of butter chicken at 9am in the middle of SK in a trucker motel.. I chose to let that anxiety go and enjoy the moment I was in.

That simple act of letting a emotion float across my consciousness, observe it, and let it pass is an ability it took me years to develop. It’s more accessible in some moments then in others, but what I noticed in this particular instance was how much easier it has been becoming for me as of late. A skill I think I’m going to use quite a bit in the coming year. I’m predicting this year to be a year of unpredictables, and am grateful to have begun developing how to live in the moment and enjoy the here and now as much as possible.

  
Happy Holidays everyone!

 

Revival

We’re always given what we need.. isn’t that the way things shake out?

The last week or so I struggled a bit with my old friend impatience. After a busy couple months of seeing and experiencing my business and professional image develop and blossom seemingly non-stop, things stayed consistent. Consistently great I have to say. April and May I was booked every weekend here or there doing clinics and work shops for facilities, and busy with one on one clients outside of my other shift work. As invigorating as it was seeing all that growth, when things get consistent.. I start to get bored. Not in a bad way, but the impatience crept in again. My mind had time to start craving the next step. More. Always more.

This is a staple of my personality. I live for constant improvement, learning, and change.

This past long weekend (conveniently the first show weekend of the outdoor season here too), I found myself with 4 solid days off. Off shift work. Off clients. Off teaching. It was great. I got to spend time with the guy and old friends. I got to sleep until 1pm two days in a row and not be bothered about it. It provided the perfect opportunity for me to start thinking about what I wasn’t doing yet. There is always a “yet”. Come the start of the regular week, I was full on craving for new and exciting things. Feeling already bored with what I had just started.

IMG_1728

Luckily, I’ve done a fair amount of personal development this year so far.. and I recognised this in myself. While acknowledging the impatience didn’t make it disappear, it did calm the fire slightly. I realise now looking back that sometimes my cases of burn-out were probably self-induced cases of letting the impatience and unending desire for more right now take over. Patience, gratitude, reflection have been my themes this year… and they are fantastic lessons to bring into motion for preventing that desire from turning into an unquenchable agitation with the pace of the Universe.

On Tuesday I all of a sudden had the drive to plant some plants. Which, if you know me, is soooooooo out of the norm. But, since I’m learning more and more to trust my intuition.. I went out and bought some little things, a bag of soil, and some cute containers. I came home, got my hands dirty, and planted some mint, rosemary, and a series of succulents. I’ve always had a thing for succulents. Probably because I know I can’t kill them easily.

11295931_10153356780133086_4071961569033691868_n

The simple act of planting those plants immediately settled me. I found myself sitting on the floor of my parking garage slowly designing where I wanted my succulents sitting and centring everything in each container.

The next day after a a great workout, and then a long afternoon of tutoring anatomy, I headed out to meet and work with one of my long time clients on her horse. I’ve been so in depth with my consulting work with riders and loving it that I haven’t A) had time to miss my own riding or B) thought that I did miss it. I ride Felix here and there, but the deep seated drive for my own riding hasn’t been around lately and I haven’t been worried about that. If I’ve missed anything lately it’s been the time spent with Lauren and Megg at the barn chatting and riding together. I do honestly miss the feeling of community there was at M&C’s barn with those ladies. While we three stay in touch, Megg is off pursuing her dreams in France and soon UC Berkeley for a PHd. and Lauren is as busy as I am most of the time. When I got to my client’s barn I got that same sense of community, and while watching and working with her on her horse, and the others around riding, I rediscovered the challenge and passion for my consulting work that I thought I was losing the last few weeks. I got my edge back for my work. I also felt a stirring of the riding bug deep down. I met a horse at that facility that stole my heart a little.. and it awakened the desire to get on. I came home from that evening feeling so revived and fulfilled.

My hard working client and Moe.

As I’m assisting a long time prof with First Responder again this year, I am getting the chance to continue my ongoing review of AT coursework preparing for November’s Certification exams. On Tuesday I was informed that I’d be teaching Thursday’s lecture/lab on boarding and wound care.. as well as reviewing a quiz the class had written, solo as the prof was away… It was a ohhhhkay here we go moment for me. The class came and I got my way through teaching boarding techniques just fine.. but it’s the first time I’ve gotten to lead a class alone and been the sole one responsible for their education. It was quite the experience and definitely reaffirmed not only my own abilities but my desire to be in this field. Just when I was starting to get anxious and impatient. Just in time.

Today I noticed my succulents had grown new bits (blooms? extensions? pods?). It was the perfect symbolism for how I feel after the last couple days. There is always growth and new things happening.. just not always so drastic as to be seen by the impatient eye. It’s sometimes enough just to slow down enough to listen to all those little worries, anxieties, and impatient thoughts zooming around… sometimes if you listen you’ll be provided with a solution to those feelings. Maybe it’s planting some plants. Maybe it’s cleaning and organising your apartment. Maybe it’s reaching out and touching base with some old friends. We are always provided with the tools.. often not easily noticed tools or solutions.. but life always gets us where we need to be at just the right time.

Intention and the questions no-one can answer

10264865_10153078460858086_2340899427278301426_n

I have this vague memory of driving to the city with my mom when I was 5 or 6 (ish). Being a typical kid of that age, I was asking non-stop questions, and when given an answer.. my response would be “but.. why?”. Whatever answer I got wasn’t enough to satisfy the questions I had in my head.

I’ve been feeling a lot like that kid lately. Though, my questions aren’t as black and white.

Last week I wrote about working on being at peace with things. One of those things is accepting that sometimes (quite a bit of the time) there won’t be answers for the questions I have. As someone who is fairly open with my personal dilemmas, whether it be via blogging or long discussions with those close to me.. it’s clear that more often the not, nobody else can answer or solve certain things for me. I’m rarely happy with the answers I get, anyway. The discussion can offer great insight and further opportunity for reflection, yes, but it won’t bring a clear cut set of directions or a guide to the next step. There isn’t a handbook for growing up, another fact both twenty-something me and mature, young professional me are equally upset about.

What does give answers?

Time.

Following gut feelings. Trusting intuition.

Reflection.

That’s what I’ve come up with so far, anyway.

What I’ve noticed is that life seems to put us where we need to be, if we are able to pay attention to it’s directions. Whether those places make sense or not at first, time and reflection allow for the reasoning and answers to become a little clearer. The directions for the next step are those subtle little gut feelings. The intuition is developed via those gut and heart guidances. It’s the learning to listen with patience that’s the hardest part.

I struggled at first when I began my University career and began falling in love with my profession with how I would have room in my life for two all-consuming passions. My sport and my career. I had two deep down feelings: I would have to give up one to be successful at the other, or I would have to find a way to make them both work. It took years for the answer to become clear. Answers I didn’t even know were answers until now.. where I am living the dreams of my past self.

As cheesy as it sounds, setting an intention on what you want in your life, and then going about your daily life- making effective and conscious choices that are best for you at whatever stage you’re at- can lead to you being where you wanted to be all along.

In a different example.. I spent a lot of years complaining and making criticisms on the way my sport (and many sports) are run. Yesterday I was voted onto the board of directors for my provincial association. My intentions (roundabout) for change and evolution in the equestrian sport came about in a way I didn’t necessarily predict, but in a way that I have a feeling will give me some interesting opportunities.

Choices. Change. Letting time pass and having patience. These things come a long with fear, frustration, disappointment.. but also knowledge, gratitude, joy. You can’t have one without the other. Positives cannot exist without the negatives.

Nobody can say what the future will bring. Nobody can answers the questions of your deepest desires and hopes. You can set your intentions in motion. You can reflect on what you’ve been dealt. You can decide how you’re going to learn and wait for the next clue. However you’re doing, don’t be blind to the choices in your control and the doors opening toward opportunity.

Philosophical post complete. Now for a quick weekly update.

As noted above, I am officially a part of the Board of Directors for MHJA. I will be running for the chair of athletic development, for which I am already brainstorming ideas for. February is here and I have a busy month of writing up my research and submitting it for a national writing award, putting together presentations for the seminars and clinics coming up quick in March, and a few other articles on the go as well. I’ve hit a great rhythm in my internships and in my personal life. I have at least two evenings off a week with which I actually take off. I even read a novel this week, between work and school.. “A Scientific Romance” by Ronald Wright (definitely a  must read!). This is probably the most sane I’ve been during a winter semester.. ever. At least I figured it out before I finished my degree, right?

10550894_10153074235153086_1213521757100687361_n

 

Re: 2014… An open letter to myself

I usually do a Top 10 of the year to bring in the New Year, but this year I thought I’d do something a little different. In place of a list, here is a letter written to myself on the past 12 months. 

10384454_10152996697683086_3952845153863619944_n

Dec 31, 2014

As 2014 comes to an end, you are reliving countless moments from the year past. Most of them good, some of them not so much. 2014 began for you with fate halting you in your tracks (quite literally), with a broken leg and a ambulance ride (this post has more detail). You probably won’t ever forget that night.

The year continued as your leg healed and your eyes were opened to new things and new experiences. 2014 was a busy year for you, in almost all areas. You began work on your own brand with Katmah Training, starting out with a strength and conditioning class for riders- and, now at the end of the year, you find yourself promoting biomechanics and position assessments, booking group clinics for riders on biomechanics, and working on your own research project. Not a bad progression. As spring came and your leg continued to mend- you had to deal with some fear around getting back in the saddle. By refusing to let fear control your season, you pushed through and got yourself through one of the toughest competition seasons of your life which brought true meaning to the saying “sweat, blood and tears”- and even made the transition from hunter land in the the jumper ring (why you chose to do this while recovering from a broken leg and nerve damage is still up for question).. all the while having great support from your teammates and now close friends M and L, your coaches, parents and boyfriend. As the show season ended, and your fear became less- you faced another hurdle when you made the decision to sell your long-time teammate Will (see When you know, you know for more on this). This meant letting go of yet another fear and letting yourself let go of the belief that taking a break from the sport meant giving it up forever, or that it made you any less of an athlete. Again- the support you had from those close to you was outstanding. Without these people- what you did this year probably wouldn’t have been possible. One of 2014’s biggest marks was likely showing you how much you appreciate the people in your life.

20140710-210759-76079538.jpg

Academically, you faced the most challenging year yet. However, you surprised yourself with your dedication to your studies and the profession of athletic therapy. You realized you’ve found your calling, and you began to see your own potential. You took on a leadership role in your student association, and a few teaching assistant roles. Early in the year you even applied to go to Mayo Clinic in Rochester for their AT-student internship, but fate had it that you were meant to stick around home this year. Instead you began your own research and focused your in class work towards the equestrian sport. In the field you spent the spring covering the MB Winter Games (click here for more on that experience), and football. Summer brought working at the Winnipeg Folk Fest, the Morris Stampede, and then more football, basketball and hockey in the fall. You were the main therapist with your football team this year, and got to see a truck load of injuries. Unfortunate for the kids, but excellent for your confidence levels in the field (this and this are good reads on how your football seasons went. )! You even got published again by CATA with your post Meet Your Athletic Therapist. As an executive of the student association, you were also lucky to attend the first annual Gupta Faculty of Kinesiology and Applied Health Fundraising Gala. This event inspired you and kept you in love with the ever growing profession of kinesiology in Canada. The passion of those involved in it is slowly but surely making it a well-respected part of the health care system.

IMG_0091

Other then being swamped by football, you were also working in the clinic(s), manning the student association, teaching, and taking the four final AT courses, and then hockey. While the entire year had it’s ups and downs, the fall took a lot out of you. While the summer made you feel like you were living a double life, being both the athlete and the therapist, the fall flew by until sh** it the fan for about 2 months straight. This is usually how you experience burn out, and you’re finally starting to understand the pattern. First your car got broken into (and all of your ID and medical supplies stolen). Then you got some marks back that demonstrated a clear case of burn out, and your leg began acting up more then necessary. Then your car got towed (you hoped it’d been stolen). Following this, and numerous breakdowns, you headed into final exams while simultaneously facing the end of your first major relationship. Oh, and then your car broke down and completely died. Ya think the universe was sending clear enough message? This post gives a longer summary. Here, again, you got a front seat view of how much support you have within your different circles. M and L, your riding teammates, didn’t just stop being your friends when you left the sport- they stepped up in a big way for you this fall and winter. Your parents were endlessly supportive, as well as all your friends and colleagues at school. Even through closing the chapter on your relationship, J remained a big support and friend for you too.

When you look back at 2014, it’s easy to see that it was a year of learning (as every year is) for you. Learning took place in new areas. You were forced to deal with many emotions and feelings you either hadn’t given time for (love), or had locked away (fear). You proved your ambition within your career, and that is paying off looking into the new year. Before the year ended, your research took off and you began to form your own biomechanics program for riders. While it’s in the early stages, it will come in handy for the few clinics and talks you’ve been booked for early in 2015. It was very much a year of growing pains, in pretty much every aspect of your life- whether it be sport, career, or personal life. After getting through December full of exams and focusing on your research before taking some time off around Christmas, you road-tripped out to Lake Louise with your cousins. You definitely couldn’t afford this excursion- but your head thanks you for it. It was a great way to hit reset and bring in the New Year.

10408978_10152996701833086_734017644401944578_n

As the clock nears midnight, you’re sitting in the Fairmont Chateau watching rich people in velvet suit jackets get progressively more confident on the dance floor (it’s as entertaining as it sounds). You have a fresh mindset on many things, and are looking forward to 2015 as a exciting year for you. Right now you have plans to work the Scotties tournament, the National Badminton Championships, and are starting in a few new clinics. You will continue with hockey, now with a younger student shadowing you, be a teaching assistant in two new classes, continue your own research, and come spring return to you beloved football team. You are done course work now, with just two humanities left to finish- which means your schedule is much more flexible and coordinated to your AT life. You will return to MORFit, after a month off, continue running your own business, and tutoring. With a little more wisdom when it comes to scheduling (we think) you will get back into the gym and yoga on a regular basis, because you know it’s what you need– that time for you– to stay sane and keep the Universe off your back. Since you aren’t riding competitively anymore, you need to find other ways to keep your body moving and your mind settled. Hopefully you’ll make it to this years CATA conference in Halifax, and surely you’ll find some new adventures to fill your summer with. This will be the first summer without a heavy training and competition schedule to keep you busy- but also the summer before you challenge the national certification exams.  After reflecting on 2014, you’re grateful for all the things it’s shown you- and are welcoming 2015 with a smile!

For future reference- practice gratitude everyday, it’s one of the things that kept you going through the low points of 2014.

10393871_10152997345213086_7295985516011856740_n

Driving in White Out Conditions

The usual driving condition for those of us living on the cold, wide-open, wind blown prairies during the winter months.. could it be a metaphor for life?

IMG_0201.JPG

In the last few weeks I’ve found myself feeling emotions I don’t know if I have felt much before, going through a few personal stressors that both surprised me but then didn’t. I’ve found myself at the funeral of a long time mentor and former coach, dealing with a new up cropping of feelings and re-instillation of the fear I thought I was making progress on with riding, and finding myself lost within a myriad of personal relationship stress. This lead to a week or so of not eating properly, and the gains I’d made on rehabbing my ever persistent leg and nerve injuries back slide as I wasn’t about to slip down the overtraining slope on zero nutrition (plus side.. lost some weight?). Most recently having finally thought I was getting myself picked up and well on my way to being done this semester (only two exams and one paper to go) to have my car hit what may be it’s final bump, and finding myself driving through white-out conditions in a car that’s not mine (dad if you’re reading this from your warm location.. I’m borrowing your car) pondering what the last few weeks have dragged me through and wondering what could possibly come next.

While over the last few weeks my go-to answer to the question “how’s it going” has been a very simple “oh.. it’s going”. Somedays profs would find me sitting in my office literally banging my head against my desk.. and unfortunately for them dare to ask how I was. His only response to the half hour long rant he got was “how are you not an insane person by now? You always seem so calm and collected.” Thankfully, my profs and mentors are all unbelievably compassionate and understanding human beings.. and every day I’m grateful for what they’ve done, said, and taught me over the last few years.. especially this year. There’s been a lot of rough days in the last few months for me.. hence the “it’s going” response.. but, the more I go through, the easier it is for me to just adapt and move on from all those little personal stressors. Time rolls on.

I’ve always liked driving through winter storms. Maybe it’s because I was raised doing it, but if we get a little more deep- maybe it’s the feeling of not being able to see where you’re headed.. but having to trust you’re on the right path anyway.

When I began this semester, just shy of turning twenty-two, I foresaw what was likely going to be the most challenging academic year yet. What I didn’t see was non-stop challenges from  every other aspect of my life in between the demanding school life.

I feel like I’m coming out of this semester with more then just 4yrs of education in kinesiology. I’m coming out of it with a better understanding of who I am, and who I want to be.

While at the funeral last week, I expected to feel sad.. and finally snap out of the shock I’d been feeling at her death the week leading up to the funeral. Instead, I found myself, once again, feeling inspired by the life she had lead. From having a successful career in more then one area, chasing her dreams relentlessly and achieving whatever she set out to achieve, having a loving marriage and family, and travelling to her heart’s content. She lead the life I see and dream of for myself. She wasn’t slowed down, or if she was not for long, by all the bumps and bruises life can bring.. and she was always smiling. You could tell by her passion and enthusiasm that she was fulfilled in every way, and had passion for everything that she did (and she did pretty much everything). I grew up with women and men like her in my life. People who have gone through hardships, but have chased their chosen paths without being held back. I left the funeral both still in shock, but mostly grateful to have known her- and to be blessed with her inspiration even now that she isn’t humanly here. I was also overwhelmed with the people I have surrounding me now. All filled with their own passions, stuck with their own challenges, and moving down their own paths. While we all have different reasons for doing what we do on this earth- we all face many of the same challenges, fears, and “white out conditions” if you will.

Things are not always going to go smoothly. Actually, I’ve come to learn that if they seem to be going smoothly.. you must be doing something wrong. Life is full of challenges, big and small, and different for each person. Growing up and figuring those things out and learning how you react to stress is sometimes the hardest part. But being able to follow that path even when it’s completely blown over and visability is crap.. that’s sometimes where you just gotta trust in your belief, your support systems, and keep your head up.

As weird as it is, the last two months started out as having an effect on my marks. Big time. But even though exam season came with a whole new wave of the Universe laughing at me… I was able to just throw myself into full AT mode as it has been the one constant for me this year. Studying, writing, working with clients (exciting research has happened here.. I’ll really write a post on this like I’ve been promising soon!!!), even doing practical exams.. it’s become my happy place. That and spending time with my spectacular friends and family. Yes I rant a lot.. but it’s times like these when having dreams that are becoming a reality keeps you going. Everything falls into place.. just not always at the same time.

The same prof that found me banging my head against the desk a few days ago just walked by as I was finishing this post and tentatively asked how I was doing.. and when I told him “I’m doing okay, you know, I’ve decided that I’m letting all the stress go and just gonna roll with whatever happens next”. He kind of chuckled and said, you know.. we should have you teaching classes at that skill- you are unbelievably good at it!

So as I finish my final week of my last full-on semester.. I find myself blasting Taylor Swift’s “Shake it Off” (don’t judge me) and realizing that being stressed is overrated when you have been doing it for months.. all I can do is control the controllables, and mainly.. my reaction to what I cannot control.

 

 

IMG_0200.JPG

Uphill climb

I can’t lie to you, oh faithful readers. The last month or so has been rough. As optimistic as I was about champing it through this final overloaded semester and managing to avoid burnout- I didn’t make it. As usual, I naively strolled right into a massive crash and burn, and just like every time before- the Universe rubbed it in my face in almost every way possible.

The first signs were pretty obvious. My still recovering leg was acting up constantly, and during a few weeks in october I was still in a battle with WCB to receive more treatment (which I finally did get). I re-started rehab, but stepping back into that place (mentally) even though it’s what I do for other people on a daily basis– kind of brought back frustration for the injury, and for the time it’s taking to heal. I consciously know that nerve damage can take a long time to heal… but my subconscious I think is still resentful towards the fear towards my sport, the struggle I had all summer with riding, and the pain I still often feel on a daily basis. The fact that I’ve let this injury take me from an athletic, motivated person to a unmotivated on-a-break athlete who frequents the gym to train others.. but not herself.. hit me hard in October.. and was just another stressor. Then…Getting two midterm assignment marks back that were WAY below my expectations. An exam where I mixed up two words, which lost me 8 marks on the major long answer question (on a topic I know backwards and forwards), and a paper where upon rereading it, I realised that I didn’t even make sense through most of it (and fully deserved the mark I received). I reacted to this in the most usual way, by sobbing uncontrollably on the phone to my guy while sitting in a parking lot outside of work.

The next sign was partly just the universe being a jerk, but mostly my fault. Since moving downtown (like super downtown), I’ve been lucky. Unfortunately, since my brain stopped working through most of October, the weekend following the initial signs of burnout lead me to forget my wallet, passport, chequebooks, and medical supplies in my car while it was parked on a street a few blocks away from my building overnight. I had specifically planned this weekend where I was stuck in the city covering football and basketball to be a weekend where I could try and counter the effects of burn out I could feel coming on. Saturday was going to be a girls night, and Sunday would be a clean and finish unpacking and take a break from stressing about school day. Saturday went just fine, after spending the day with my mom, covering a basketball game, and then making pizza with the girls. At about 2am I realised I’d forgotten all those items in my car 3 streets away, but decided to exercise street smarts and not walk by myself through downtown to retrieve them. Forgetting about it in the morning, I went out to get into my car to drive out to the barn for some saddle therapy on Megg’s horse.. only to find my lock pried open and ALL of those above listed items gone. Serves me right, I know. And so, the weekend began and ended with me sobbing uncontrollably on the phone with J.

This is how burn out works. You neglect the little things. The little things you miss pile up and form a few big things- which send you over the edge.

The Universe continued to throw things in my face.

A few days after all of this, I woke up to my entire car being gone. My first thought was (honestly) “It’s been stolen… thank god.”. Turns out it’d just been towed. The sign saying “street work, tow away zone” was at the end of the block, and I didn’t see it. Since I still didn’t have any ID, or credit cards..  my loving father bailed me out of that one.

So, within a week, Life showed me that my balancing act was no longer working. I realised that if I was going to get through this term in one piece, it was time to reorganise my priorities- seeing as having all my commitments as a priority was only causing my blood pressure to spike and my emotions to run high. I’m pretty sure both my mom and J were getting sick of listening to me lose my mind too.

What have I done to fix it?

It’s hard to cut off from most of my commitments, but what I have done is start taking away things that are important, but not as important as kicking the rest of this semester’s ass. First to go has been work. While I probably won’t be able to get rid of my remaining November shifts, I’ve requested that I have December off- definitely the two weeks of exams. Football ended right as burn out was at it’s highest, so that freed up 3 hrs every day where I’ve been able to put time into either school work, cooking, or catching up on sleep or brain rest. This has been immensely helpful! I’ve also tried to move as mush as I can to earlier in the day.. so I’m not working our out and about until 10pm every night. Also a huge difference.

I’ve also made the conscious decision to get myself back into shape, regardless of the frustration stemming from my leg. I’ve been motivated and back in the gym (as well as rehab as needed for the leg) training myself 3-4x a week for a few weeks now.. and while I’m sore almost all the time- it feels good to be back into that mindset. Yes it adds something to my already stupid schedule.. but it’s something that makes me feel whole, and to me that has to be a priority. I feel I’ve been tested a lot lately by the universe.. with getting questioned almost daily as to if I am still riding, and then having to explain why I’ve taken a step away from the sport I’ve been so committed to. The first few times I got asked these questions it caused doubt and fear to arise- but after taking time to think about it, I recognised that I’m happy doing what I’m doing, and that is more important then worrying about my future in the sport that will wait for me. It definitely wasn’t an easy decision, but I know in my heart it was the right one.

For now my biggest goal is getting through the remaining couple weeks of this semester without any more major break downs. I’ve done it before, I will do it again. Soon I’ll be done course work and another giant step closer to my career. Since I’ve made these little changes, the Universe seems to be slowly getting back on my side. My balancing act is once again getting better- all I had to do was take a few things out of my hands, and juggle some other things around. A prof the other day commented on me looking tired, to which I replied that I was trying to cut back on my commitments.. but wasn’t doing so well. His response was: “No.. you are a person who needs to be involved in everything. It’s what makes you tick. Be patient, you’ll do alright”.

2 more weeks, 3 more papers, 1 more presentation, and 4 more exams.

See you on the other side!

PS: I’ll write an update on all my more uplifting moments soon- I’ve been kept busy with KSA milestones, personal research, and new teams even while being burnt out! Stay tuned for more on that!

The KSA execs (girl power!) at the inaugural Gupta Faculty of Kinesiology and Applied Health Fundraising dinner.

The KSA execs (girl power!) at the inaugural Gupta Faculty of Kinesiology and Applied Health Fundraising dinner.

 

The tale of a cursed AT.. School post #3 (or 4?)

Long time no post. Football took off like a rocket and had me running for the last month or so. Injuries galore!! My poor rookie team took a beating this season, and their first and last playoff game was no piece of cake.

About three weeks ago in a game we used every single splint we had, and one kid we thought fractured his already casted hand… again. After that game I had a week or so of absolutely nothing, which was odd. Turns out it was just the calm before the storm. My next week started with an ambulance call for c-spine at practice. I had been driving away from the tail-end of practice when I saw a kid go down and not get up before I drove away. So I backed back into my parking spot and headed over where a coach had been and left him sitting in the field alone. He was sitting up and had his helmet off when I got to him so I began chatting with him. His helmet had been slammed into the back of his neck when he was forced into extension in a tackle. All his pain was around C3-4. No neurological symptoms or referred pain, and good strength in the extremities. At this point in time I was sitting on the field with him, one hand on his head half stabilizing c-spine, while trying to get a coach’s attention (they were on the far side of the field and not listening). So finally I just told the kid to stay as still as he could and went and consulted with the coaches. My only option really was to call an ambulance as I didn’t want to just send the kid home, but was pretty sure he was just bruised too. So, thats what we did. In a weird, unorganized way, I got the kid to my table, got his equipment off and had him laying down while I had one of my injured kids run around and get my phone from my car (which was full of laundry… awkward), and called an ambulance. The coach called the mom while I stabilized, dealt with the fire fighters (who were cute but clueless), and then finally the paramedics. Luckily I ended up knowing one of the EMTs, as the other one who didn’t know me tried to boot me out of the boarding process at c-spine.. the paramedic I knew stuck up for me and I ended up getting to lead the boarding process! The kid ended up being just fine and was back into play a week later.

Our final game brought two more splint and referrals, plus many runs onto the field. A friend of mine who is a photographer came and took quite a few trainer shots- which was pretty fun!

IMG_0091.PNG

IMG_0092.PNG

IMG_0090.PNG

My most embarrasing moment EVER occured in this game when I got a player off the field with a possible tib/fib fx and was beginning my assessement by taking off his cleat and sock (super carefully as this kid was losing his mind with pain). I finally get everything off and ask him to wiggle his toes.. and he sits up and looks at me and says.. Sure, I can do that. this foot feels fine.. it’s the other one.

-_-

Of course the entire team, plus Nikki, plus the doctor were all standing there. After this it all went smoothly until I was trying to tput together a new splint… Those things are not as easy as the old ones we use for practice! Not much of a “speed” splint.

I also had a pretty sweet dislocated thumb.. The athlete was generous enough to let me take a picture of it!

**I’ll post later pic later…my phone is dying!**

After all this I had a couple days off, where I had all of my stuff stolen (stupid downtown), and then got to attend my first hockey game with a new team no fanny pack (I felt naked). There was no such thing as an easing in peirod as within 3 minutes I was out on the ice for the other team. As the ref escorted me the players surrounding the kid down kept yelling “his leg is broken, it’s his femur!!!”. All I could think was “there is no flipping way this kid broke his femur.”. Granted, I am under some sort of curse currently, that would still be a stretch. So I get to him, and he’s freaking out. He slid knee first into the boards and was now having severe pain mid-proximal thigh. He had very limited will to move, and after talking to him for a couple minutes and palpating what I could I called the “team doc” out onto the ice. This is a parent who told me all his credentials about 4 times upon meeting me. Anyway, he came out and agreed that it was unlikely it was broken but maybe x-rays were a good idea anyway. I love when the doc agrees with me! So we got him off the ice and into a change-room and an ambulance was called. I thne left the doc and parents with him and went back to my bench where I got to deal with a VMO strain, a puck to the thumb, and a likely trap strain. Apparently this is the most injuries they’ve had in one game ever. Usually this amount is spread over 6 games. Cursed, I tell you!

So now I have a couple weeks to unwind, as they don’t play until November again.. and football is done (I miss it already..). What do I plan on doing? Catching up on all the school work I’ve neglected, replace all the things I had stolen (all my ID and personal info, my business cards, my medical equipment…sigh), and maybe even taking a couple mental health days to get rid of this “curse” I’m apparently under.

Meet your Athletic Therapist

That cool and calm silhouette bundled and layered on the side of the football field.

That critical eye efficiently assessing and educating in the clinic.

Those quick hands managing to tape quicker then you can say “zagopophyseal joint”.

The craftsperson that can stabilize any structure, and the magician who can mobilize each one as well.

The healer who can get you back to where you want to be.

The support system when you’re exhausted, and running out of perseverance.

The motivator when you need that extra push, and the responder when you push (or get pushed) too hard.

The mediator between parents, athletes, and coaches.

The comforting hand on your shoulder when there’s nothing else to say.

The brick wall when you need protection and solace.

The one heads turn to when an athlete falls down.

The under-recognized professional who asks for nothing more then a positive outcome for their clients.

The behind the scenes hero that hopes to never have to be in the spotlight.

Trainer. Teacher. Comforter. Pusher. Hydrator. Protector. Therapist.

On the field we stand by our athletes, doing everything we can to keep them performing their best at what they love.. but above all keeping them safe and healthy. We put our critical thinking and practical knowledge to use in every situation, creating tape jobs that have never been seen and remedying the most abstract injuries. The thank you we want is the well-being of our athletes and the trust of our coaches. We breathe easy when nobody stays down. Prevention is our jam, and we know how to train each athlete functionally so they go into play ready to perform their best.. every single time. Our pride can be found in each wrinkle-free, sturdy tape-job that runs by our special spot on the field.. and in every athlete who performs better because of our work. We don’t lose our cool, even when we are bombarded with a eager parent’s arguments, a coach’s hopeful questioning, or an athlete’s pleading. Come rain, shine, snow, hail, downpour, delays or all of the above…we’re there. Our job is our passion, for nobody could survive our daily routine without a special spot in the heart for what we do.

In the clinic we are the healer. After the lights go down on the field, and in between practices…we’re there to make you better. Professionals, recreationals, or occasional go out and get-er’s come to us for relief, improvement, and education. Fixing the pain is one thing, but fixing the problem is the athletic therapists’ bread and butter. Think we’ll stop once you’re “text-book” healed? Think again. Where you aim to be in your health and movement endeavours, we’ll get you there. Each body is unique, and our expert assessment and rehabilitation abilities are more then capable to figure out what works for yours. Our extensive background in exercise science, musculoskeletal care and variety of clinical skills offer more then just a quick fix. Health is dynamic, and so are we.

Ask us how we got here, and we’ll say we were inspired. Inspired by what we’ve seen and experienced ourselves as athletes, through injuries and downfalls. We’ve been there. We know. That comforting hand on your shoulder is one of understanding and compassion. We won’t let you face the challenges of healing and rehabbing alone. We won’t let you down when you need tough love through the extra mile. Each one of us has a story that led us to where we are now. Each one of us comes with a unique personality, and our own strengths and weaknesses. But every one of us has the same qualities of leadership, compassion, confidence, and unfailing drive to do the best we can to help you be the best you can be. Doing no harm is our responsibility. Getting our clients to their absolute best is our goal. Seeing our clients heal, improve, and perform is our thrill.

If you’ve been thinking of getting an ache or a pain remedied, think of an AT. If you’ve been wondering how you can prevent aches and pains and maintain your health… think of an AT. We’re your prevention and care specialist. All sports, all hobbies, all professions… athletic therapy is for everyone. We’re here for you, no matter what.

IMG_0056.JPG

IMG_0057-0.JPG

Taking in Summer

You would think that selling my horse and taking a hiatus from competition would free up hours of free time in my life.. and if you did think that, I’d have to ask you.. do you know me at all?

After making the decision of selling Will, and finding the suitable buyer…I spent about a week hibernating. Or at least that’s what it felt like. I kept up my regular work routine, but spent the rest of the time napping, eating comfort food or being grumpy. I refer to this week as my ’emotional hangover’. I can’t lie, it was and still is quite an adjustment not going out to the barn every afternoon in between shifts, and not spending my weekends planned around training or show schedules.  It has, however, been quite a happy adjustment as the financial and time commitments that came with riding full-time have diminished significantly.

After the week of feeling hungover, I spent the weekend with my guy going from one social gathering to the next. Supper at my parents to the west on Friday, a birthday party at J’s friends to the east Saturday, a retirement party in the city on Sunday. Getting out and about, being surrounded by good people for three days straight really helped snap me out of whatever I was doing the week prior.

Following that was another busy week full of work and beginning to prepare for the school year to begin once again. I’ve been able to fill the time once spent at the barn with getting my focus back onto getting myself into the gym to work out, eating right for me, and getting more involved in a couple of clinics. Claude at MORFit has been utilizing me whenever he has clients and I’m on shift.. which is great. It still amazes me that one year ago I was terrified of working with a client, and now he’s given me a client to work with from day one onwards.. which just seems like everyday stuff now to me. I assessed this client on his first appointment, and have worked with him twice weekly for the last month or so. It’s been pretty neat to see him progress in his rehab and be elated with his results; results that he’s achieved with me working on him mostly independently!

IMG_6917

Last week I began work in another clinic, one which I’m very excited to be working in. I’ll be there twice a week as well until classes begin, as well as continuing the work at MORFit with Claude, and then I’ll have to put clinic time on hold to accommodate football season. I was also kept busy with KSA business as well, as we prepare for our big member push during the first couple weeks of school. It will be interesting to see if the four of us can rebuild this student association, and get it back on track to being the huge network of students it once was.

I’ve been really trying to take as many chances as I get over the last while, and in the next couple weeks, to just do whatever I think might be fun with what remains of summer. It’s been close to 10 years that I’ve always had something horse related to do on weekends, so as much as I’m already missing it- it has been very nice to just do other things on weekends off. This weekend I did end up doing something horsey by setting up J with a polo lesson and going as a spectator. My good friend and teammate Megg joined to watch, and we had a great day. J seems to be a natural to the riding world. Only having ridden a few times in his life, this lesson was his first official ride. He made it look easy and had a tonne of fun. I may be getting him addicted to counter my withdrawal..

IMG_6968

 

As much as I can hobbling around on my persistently bruised foot, I’ve been getting myself back into a work-out routine and cleaning up my diet. With classes fast approaching, and my schedule turning into a crazy monster.. I’m going to need a clear head and lots of energy. Right now is the perfect time to start taking advantage of all my friends and family with fresh food growing in their yards and get myself back into my healthy routine. With a little extra time (relative) I’ve taken the chance to start cooking more. A couple meals with J this week consisted of garden potatoes, onions, paired with bacon and eggs (both local), french toast (gluten free and locally baked) with fresh raspberries and blueberries. I made some fantastic fresh corn with sauteed zucchini, onions, carrots, and beet greens the other night. And tonight at work I made myself a arugula salad with tomato, sweet red pepper, fresh basil, nuts, and carrots topped with chicken and poppyseed dressing.

IMG_6943

Football practices began today.. which will combine with work (2 jobs still), running my own class, and CMU basketball teams. I’m the head therapist with Murdock Football this year, as well as the only AT working with CMU basketball (both men’s and women’s). It’s gonna be a bit of a crazy year. I’m registered in 4 classes and one lab, and just heard that I got chosen to be the lab demo for Taping and Splinting this fall as well. Those plus running KSA, and potentially also working with the Older Adults class again.. I’ll be flying. I am really looking forward to it all though. I’ve found my niche within AT, and every experience I get drives me further towards the career I want to have. This being my last year of my bachelor, I want to make the most of it. And how do I make the most of things? I do every possible thing I can. Duh.

My week days are quickly filling up, but the next two weekends I’ve saved to spend time with family and friends, relaxing and enjoying summer… and raiding people’s gardens!